Silent Hill 2 Remake | Fully Ramblomatic

[Music] [Applause] could have been worse let's be serious viewer why are you here I already told you my opinion on this remake will be [ __ ] useless to you I've got too many nostalgic associations with the OG Silent Hill 2 I played it 90,000 times back when I still had my hair and probably at least once with my hand down my trousers you might as well ask a dog for an objective review of bacon if you want an unbiased perspective go find some credulous young person who never played the original and doesn't know Pyramid Head from Hanging Gardens of Babylon foot and ask if they like the Remake I suspect a lot of what they like will be what was copied directly from the original story monster design environment design music Ambient sound all mostly control seed character design as well although Eddie now looks like Pat Oswalt Midway through transforming into Slimer and Ghostbusters and Angela looks like she's storing nuts in her cheeks for the winter the opening prologue Forest hike and cemeter cut scene are more or less recreated exactly albeit now with a Resident Evil 4 style over the shoulder camera which I'm not a fan of because it removes that sense of emotional distance that was a big part of the original's Vibe and also makes it seem like I'm inordinately fixated on James sunderland's bottom but in that moment I thought hell if all blueba team are doing is recreating Silent Hill 2 Shot for shot with modern graphics and gameplay then there are worse things Lord knows since the medium and layers of fear 2 I've trusted blueba team's original ideas as much as I trust Michael J fox to transport a wedding cake but then I reached the end of the opening hike where I found a locked gate and a key hunt puzzle in a nearby garage and that wasn't an original ruin forever table flip okay let's be serious for real Z's now the guiding principle behind this remake seems to be take the original Jam the air pump from digdug up the ass of each individual section and pump till it's about three times longer every boss fight is three phases now the Labyrinth is now three labyrinths and I fail to see the point unless it's to meet the Modern Standard triaa quota for useless fannying about so the opening Town section as you go through a brand new puzzle sequence where you have to find and glue a record back together and put it and a coin in a jukebox somehow I missed the coin in my initial sweep so I found myself frustratedly double checking the 19 cash registers I'd encountered thus far and the Eerie atmospheric experience of a loone man unwittingly descending into horror became me running up and down the street smashing windows and payones with a big bit of wood yelling you couldn't have just had a coin on you James is this why you parked so far out of town cuz you forgot to bring change for the meters look the OG wasn't above reproach it had some dumb inventory puzzles too but the solution was not to add more of the [ __ ] the Remake even has a slightly cocky dig at one of the particularly dumb ones you find a trapo and a horseshoe covered in melted wax as if to say yeah like that would work but people who live in glass houses Luber team probably shouldn't get undressed during daylight hours some of the dumb puzzles have just been changed laterally in ways I find bewildering like in the OG at one point you fish something out of a drain with a hook on the end of a bit of hair that was the only thing in an empty box locked with five different mechanisms in a room belonging to a grief stricken man whose daughter died yes one wonders why James couldn't use a random bit of string but you got a little Side Story out of it and it was all on theme meanwhile remake has the fish hook drain puzzle as well except you use a random bit of string the box with the five locks is still there but as part of an entirely different puzzle and it turns out to be actually empty and then James gives the camera a stupid look as if to say don't got me again spooky town if blueba team's intent was to broadly speaking recreate Silent Hill 2 then I'd say they [ __ ] up because the Vibes are off the town seems more aggressively hostile towards James with monsters literally smashing through walls to get to him like the [ __ ] Kool-Aid man where in the OG it was more of a cold impersonal oh you still here Lial space sort of vibe where the monsters were just kind of hanging out and the most intense boss fight was Pyramid Head walking slowly around an empty room possibly in sege of an extremely sturdy hat standand was that better not necessarily I do like the more intense combat experience the way James can keep wailing on Monsters long after they sto moving occasionally making freaked out noises like me noticing a spider in the bath really helps emphasize his complete lack of action protagonist credentials I think the game's too generous with items by the end I had enough Health drinks to take a bath in the [ __ ] stuff and I'm both [ __ ] at dodging and prone to pressing the heel button by mistake because it used to be the map button and I've got the sense of direction of a dude with an upturned wheelbarrow on his head but the OG gave you too much stuff as well I always took that as part of the town's Mind Games have all the health and ammo you can carry because absolutely none of it's going to help you mate but let's get serious really for real Z's now if you're here because you want my permission to like the Silent Hill 2 remake then fine you have it it's a perfectly good horror game don't know how many points blueba team get for copying someone else's homework but if you did miss out on the original it'll give you a nice filling horror dinner meanwhile from my unashamedly biased diard fans perspective the Remake has done what modern remakes so often do taken something unique and made it more like everything else James feels flatter as a character cuz he's played more as generic mumbly standard protagonist man with an ass like two textbooks on an ironing board also I've often lorded the OG Silent Hill 2 for having next to no jump scares it doesn't need them to give you the Willies it effectively builds a sense of cold oppressive background Willies like after hours at the dildo repair shop meanwhile the Silent Hill 2 remake has jump scares up the butt and I don't like it when Willies jump up my butt mannequin monsters suddenly springing to life was scary at first but after 90,000 [ __ ] times the returns diminish somewhat and when you see that used Band-Aid like flesh quivering in anticipation behind a cat R for the eenth time one's reaction becomes more oh for crying out loud I told you I don't want a subscription to kick to the face monthly not for the first time I might question the point of remaking something that was already perfectly good and once again the obvious answer comes back that it's the good ones that make money and it's not like we're in this for Creative fulfillment or anything hey you know what game does have jump scares Silent Hill one why didn't you remake that first that you could improve upon cuz the plot was cheesy the voice acting was like a table read at the methadone clinic and the graphics now look like a Lego dog turd on the back of a rusty shovel or as konami's Executive Suite would call it [Music] lunch this video was brought to you by incog now you know like stealth games but I really don't like the prolonged high stake stealth game that browsing the internet has become the moment you step out from the Shadows read secure websites you get spotted and riddled with bullets read spam emails before you can even get as far as the secret documents read porn and that's just not good game design fortunately if you sign up with incy at inc.com secondwind and use code secondwind for 60% off an annual plan you can call incog up on your secret communication device read set up your account on its intuitive dashboard and then watch with Glee as they go around the enemy base read Internet snapping the necks of all the evil henchmen read getting your information removed eval data Brokers thus ensuring you can have peace of mind as you enjoy your secret documents in whatever manner most appeals to reiterate go to incognit tocom secondwind and use code second win to get 60% off an annual plan because you can't spell infiltration without Filter Hey don't you dare skip to the little gags at the end of the credits madio those are for real fans who appreciate us you can Jolly well sit there and read the names of all these patreon supporters who are good people and have their lives together you know if every single person watching this gave just $1 a month to the patreon I'd never have to do ad reads again you know the ad read the thing you just saw oh don't tell me you skipped the ad read as well Jesus [ __ ] Christ man what do you think pays for this content won't join the patreon won't watch the ads on the ethical scale that's like 7 Deca Hitlers [Music] [Applause] [Applause]